I Just Like Talking At You.

Alright kids, today we're going to talk about life and pursuing your dreams across a rainbow.

Or as close as I can to that, at the very least.

So, I've gotten into the swing of things in college. The verdict? I'm awful at it, mostly. At least, that's the impression I get as I get back all these first exams, especially the one I thought studying for three days was a good amount of time (the most time I've probably spent studying for anything ever, really) and then end up with a D+.

Like, I can still pass the class, I just need to work my ass off for it when exams come up again, since they're kind of the only thing the class is graded on. It's a scary switch from Southern CT, which felt like I was still in High School, which I was fine with.

So, you may ask, "Louie, I don't want to hear your bullshit about you being bad at things, what's this got to do with my dreams?" and to that I will tell you to turn off your computer and go have lunch. Not lunchtime? Continue reading. After watching some interviews of creative types I admire, it hit me that I seriously need to pursue this art shit, and that I need to get my shit together academically and creatively. Both need to be expanded on so I can be better at things. 

I've learned a lot recently thanks to some life-changing events in my life within, oh, I'd go as far to say the past year or so. I went through the beginning and end of my father's kidney disease, with a new kidney from my loving aunt who said that I was the reason she did this, and I couldn't help but burst into tears, which were on top of the tears already happening as I was thanking her for everything hours before the operation. This brought back the faith I lost a long time ago, and gave me a reminder of the love and good in the world.

With that in mind, I'm going to do a 180 here and talk about shitty things moderately okay people have done to me as of late. 

This might seem...childish for lack of a better world, but I've also learned honesty is important, and being upfront in saying that when someone tries to walk back into your life, then told the next day you're pestering them and to stop talking to them, then she's a total bitch. No nice-nice message there. It did teach me that I sometimes make poor decisions regarding friendships, though in the end I sort of end up feeling like I was in the right throughout it all. This applies to other stupid dramatic nonsense of this past summer, but FUCK SAD SHIT I'M GONNA GO BACK TO THE MOTIVATING STUFF OKAY?

OKAY GOOD

The point of all of that is to really find a balance between the good and the bad, and that eventually there will be a comfortable middle zone you'll be satisfied with. I think that I'm that zone now, and I've gotten back on the creative grind, poopin' out doodles and messing around with SAI and different brush types.

Lookit this doodle. Is beautiful. Or not. NOW I HATE IT

Seriously though, looking up different things to create pencil-like drawing digitally is sweet, man. See, I just art for a bit and then:

Though it may look like a five year old drew it, I'm proud. Working on new and unique ways to expand upon art is hella fun. I seriously recommend to all who have a hobby try to push some boundaries on it, and find some new ways to experiment with what you love. 

Don't take that in any sexual context, though.

You stay away from that, you're too young.

I'M AN ADULT

Oooooooooooopsie.

SO LIKE, I'm in college now. Like, living there and having that college experience and shit. It's been pretty interesting first two weeks. Not as different as I imagined. Still working life out, though, as usual. Over-thinking my possible paths is pretty common lately.



Mainly, I've been thinking a lot about the decisions I need to make as I'm becoming an "adult". Or more of one, whatever. Trying to decide on a major by Christmas, so I can finally be set on SOMETHING because my word I'm so unsure about life.

Inner monologues go like so:

So after that happening roughly a dozen times I'm still throwing around many ideas. Some are more crazy than others, and it also depends on how much I start pushing myself as an artsy fartsy kid, and if I actually take some time to work on the things that I love. Or, you know, SAY I LOVE. 

See, I draw on occasion, and practically forced myself to blog, except I'm totally in the pumped mindset to leak creativity juices everywhere [creativity juices? gross].

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let me add in why I chose the title of this blog.

I got a job.

I'm working at phone center for school donations, which in my eyes is pretty much a glorified telemarketing station. 

However, I'm trying to NOT be a cynical ass about the job, since I'll be doing it for pretty much this year, unless I somehow find another job or decide to do something dumb. Neither seem likely though. For the most part I'm just trying to not have an anxiety attack about the whole damn thing, and learn to go with the flow and be a little desensitized to this line of work.

I think I'll survive, maybe? Who the hell knows. For now, I'm just gonna try and do college right. Speaking of which, I need to go find some pants to put on. It's cold in here. 

I love central air in this room though oh my word it's been heaven

Old People Problems.

Hey.

Well, I'm 19. That's pretty okay, I guess. 

The part that isn't okay, however, is that I've been running on about a two hour power-nap because something doesn't feel right. 

Now, it could be just be bad taco bell, but I'll cut the jokes for a second to admit that I don't feel good. I haven't been great lately, and it's partially why I haven't tried to be creative, but today feels more off than usual. 

So, it hit me. I have to be honest and just ADMIT I'm doing shitty. Why? Well, I am an open guy, so open I'm willing to have strangers and friends alike read these things and sort of know me a bit better. I usually use it to be like "OH GUYS, I KNOW I'M AN ASS SOMETIMES BUT I'M STILL LOVING 'N JUNK" but again, this is different.

Don't worry though, I'm not going to give you many personal specifics, as even I draw the line on how much I spew out onto the internet. I will, however, tell you that it's taking a lot of time to find a way to describe my day with any added humor. Well, one highlight would be me finding a $200 dollar check in the mail, think it's time to treat myself for like ~$40 fat pack o' Magic cards (uh-oh.addictionnnnn) and then go to my car to discover that my car's rear view mirror has become unstuck from the windshield, and I will have to wait until my dad comes home in 5 hours to figure out what to do, and by then banks are closed for the weekend. 

(I have 0 idea what is supposed to be going on in the back of that car, by the way)

I tried to go to sleep, but no such luck. So I'm here, finally being honest with myself and for some reason this blog. It's kind of a weird urge, really, to prefer this to a private diary. Maybe I just like attention. Okay, I do like attention, but this is different.

I think I'm a bit of a fool to have put this off, really. These last couple of months have been rough for their own reasons, none of which I am comfortable talking about here. Don't worry, nothing drastic, just keeping people out of my life that need to stay out is all. Since I never wanted to talk about it, and that was all that was on my mind, I didn't have any urges to make comics or blogs. Just didn't feel right. 

Then I said "FUCKIT" and did this.

Getting back on track, I didn't feel right today. I don't know if it was my new age kicking in, bad timing on life problems, or some other bigger thing slowing me down. I think I'll get past it though, everyone does eventually. 

SPEAKING OF EVENTUALLY, I never finished those friend comics from facebook. 

I'll try to do something about that, maybe? I ain't promising shit. 

Now I know I've come back to blog yet again on an iffy/sad note, but look on the bright side! I got a birthday email from that website that made me an official minister!

Did I never mention that? I'm an official minister. I do weddings. Call me!